


I Can't Get Over You

by Destiel_5eva



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Cas, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Smut, Whump!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:07:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiel_5eva/pseuds/Destiel_5eva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You love me right?”<br/>“Of course.”<br/>“You’ll never leave me?”<br/>“Never.”</p><p>He lied.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Get Over You

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song Maps by Maroon 5.  
> Enjoy reading!

“Get up.”

“No.”

“Cas, I swear to God you keep moping and I’m going to hit you and give you something to mope about,” Gabriel warns, glaring down at his brother who was currently hiding from the world under a blue and white striped quilt.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Castiel scoffs, ducking his head under the pillow in the hope that Gabriel would just go away and leave him alone to mope and grieve in peace. It had worked the past two days and Cas had the intent to put off participating in humanity for as long as possible.

“Try me.”

Cas groans and sat up, he glares at Gabriel. He just stands at the end of the bed looking triumphant. “Happy now?” Cas mutters.

“When you shower and eat something. Then I will be,” Gabriel tells him. “Move.” Cas groans again but does as he’s told, getting out of bed and crossing the room to the door. He stops when he hears Gabriel’s soft voice, “I know you miss him and it’s…”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Gabriel,” Cas growls, stalking from the room. He isn’t mad at Gabriel. Not really. He is hurt and Gabe is the only person he has. It’s selfish, but so what? Cas doesn’t care. Not right now.

When Cas steps into the shower he ignores the fact that its more roomy when only one is in there, maybe it’s just that Gabriel’s shower is bigger. He begins washing his hair and he ignores the facts that Dean used to like running his fingers through the damp locks. He aborts washing his hair and grabs the bar of soap. He works up lather. It smells different from what Dean used to buy. With a huff, Cas places the soap down and concentrates on the feel of the water beating down on his skin.

Out of nowhere the tears assault him. He knows that they had to have been coming, having only cried when Sam spotted him hastily packing up his things. Sam had tried to stop him, but his mind was already made up. Now he sobs, big body wracking sobs that have his chest heaving and legs shaking. Carefully, he sits down in the shower, pulling his legs to his chest and hugging his knees. He cries and cries and cries, until Gabriel knocks on the door and asks if everything is OK. Cas can’t reply, his throat is locked up and all that comes out are pitiful wheezes. Before he knows it, Gabriel is walking into the bathroom, turning off the water and helping Cas out of the shower. He wraps a towel around Cas and pulls him into a hug.

“I’m sorry, Gabriel,” Castiel rasps between sobs. Gabriel just shushes him and holds him tighter.

*~*~*

“Come on, Dean. You can’t keep doing this,” Sam pleads watching as Dean pulls yet another bottle of beer from the fridge. Dean ignores him and stalks back to the couch, he plops down and stares studiously at the screen even though he has no idea what’s even on. “Dean!” Sam protests, coming to stand in front of the TV.

“Move,” Dean says emotionlessly, not even bothering to move around and look at the TV around his brother. He just stares blankly at Sam’s T-shirt.

“Please, Dean. We have to at least talk about it.”

“No Sam! We don’t. It’s none of your goddamn business!” Dean fumes, glaring up at Sam, who looks exasperated.

“Dean…”

“Move Sam.”

Sam moves. But not before heaving a giant sigh that seems to have come from deep in the depths of his gut. Dean doesn’t care. Screw Sam. Screw everything and especially screw Cas. He cracks open the bottle and takes a swig.

It’s been about two days since Cas left. In that time Dean has gone through on average about a six pack of beers per day. Maybe one day when he’s lying in a hospital dying of liver failure he’ll regret his drinking habits but right now Dean really could not care less.

He stares at the TV and finds some reality show about cake is on. He watches anyway. By the time the show is finished, so is Dean’s beer. He adds it to the line on the coffee table. Staring at the bottles he feels nothing; no regret, no guilt not even a slight buzz from the alcohol. Maybe it’s time to break out the heavy stuff. With that plan in mind, Dean heaves himself up off the couch, swaying slightly. Maybe the beers have had more of an effect on him than he originally thought. Still, he stumbles over to the pantry, he digs around in it as if he were finding something to eat, and after all it had been a good day and a half since Sam forced him to eat anything. Other than the alcohol he’s been running on nothing. He reaches right to the back, past Sam’s healthy crap to where he stashed the ‘emergency whiskey’. After feeling around for a bit he realises that it’s gone. His foggy brain doesn’t process this information at first and he just stands in the pantry pouting.

The sound of someone clearing their throat makes him wince and Dean turns to find Sam standing behind him, bottle of whiskey dangling from his right hand. “Looking for something?” he asks innocently. Dean lifts his eyes from where he was staring incredulously at the whiskey like it was the one that gave up his secret to Sam.

“Nope,” he replies, blatantly lying as he takes a step to get out of the pantry, around Sam and back to the couch.

“Of course you weren’t,” Sam says bitterly, Dean gives him a withering look, when Sam moves to block his exit.

“Get out of the way, Sam,” he murmurs, too tired to even yell at Sam anymore.

“Can we just talk about it? Please Dean! I hate seeing you like this,” Sam pleads. Dean stares at the floor. He can’t look at Sam right now, his eyes feel itchy and there is a lump growing in his throat. “I know you miss him, and I know you’re hurting because he’s gone…”

“I love him!” Dean snaps, head shooting up to glare at Sam even though hot tears have begun to fall and he’d rather not show so much emotion in front of his brother. “and he left me… and I don’t blame him. Look at me! I’m pathetic. Crying over some guy…” Dean rants, tears streaming down his cheeks, his tyrant is broken off by a sob and Sam takes that as his opportunity to butt in.

“You aren’t pathetic and Cas isn’t just ‘some guy’. He loves you too, I know he does,” Sam insists.

Dean scoffs, “Oh sure, that’s why he left.” He swipes a hand over his cheeks to get rid of the tears. He sobs harder thinking about Cas and Sam steps forward enveloping Dean in a hug. Dean rests his head against Sam’s shoulder, squeezing his brother—his lifeline.

“I’m so sorry Dean,” Sam whispers into his hair. **Three Years Earlier: December 31st**

“You haven’t been out in like… I don’t know… _ages_!” Gabriel gripes, sticking his lower lip out and stomping his foot in the parody of a four year old. Castiel rolls his eyes and goes back to reading his novel. “Pleeeeeeease?” Gabriel whines. Castiel ignores him. He has done for the past hour while Gabriel has complained and begged and stomped around and moaned and groaned. “Why Cas? Why won’t you come out with me? Answer me that,” Gabriel demands, coming to stand right in front of the arm chair Castiel is curled up in. Castiel glances up, placing his glasses on the table to his side. He rubs his eyes before addressing his very persistent brother.

“Because I don’t want to,” He states. Gabriel sighs, his shoulders rising and falling with his breath.

“One time. Just once. That’s all I ask! Please, Cas it’s New Years!” Gabriel gets down on his knees, clasping his hands together. “I’ll beg. I am not above begging.” Castiel can’t help but chuckle at his brother’s antics. He watches as Gabriel gets down and starts bowing to Castiel as if he were a God or something. “Oh mighty Castiel please lower yourself to the level of us petty commoners and bless us with your presence,” Gabriel chants.

“Fine, fine! I’ll go! Just stop. Jeez,” Castiel smirks. Gabriel jumps up instantly with a cheer of triumph.

~~~                                           

The music in the bar thumps out an incessant beat drawing people out onto the dance floor to rub themselves all over each other like a pack of apes instead of the sentient beings they are. Sadly Gabriel is among them and Castiel watches in horror as he ‘dances’ with a woman scarcely dressed in more than her underwear. Castiel looks away in horror.

“Not a fan of dancing I assume?” A deep voice asks from beside him. Castiel turns to see a man around his age with vibrant green eyes and closely cropped hair looking at him intently and nursing a finger of whiskey.

“You can hardly call that dancing,” Castiel scoffs. The man laughs and Cas can feel his cheeks heat up because holy crap a guy who is _bloody hot_ is _talking_ to _him_. Castiel feels his heart start to thump faster the longer the man looks at him. He clears his throat and takes a sip of his drink.

“I’m Dean. What’s your name?” Dean introduces himself, he holds out a hand for Castiel to shake. Cas takes it and hopes to God his palm is less sweaty than he thinks.

“Castiel.”

“Castiel? That’s an interesting name. Religious?” Dean inquires, turning in his stool to face Castiel, giving him his full attention.

“Not me. My parents. They were very dedicated to the church. I’d assume they still are, I haven’t spoken to them in years,” Castiel acknowledges, downing his drink in a swallow. He signals to the barkeep for another.

“Why not?” Dean asks, frowning a little. Castiel stares at him, confused.

“Why not what?” He questions.

“Why haven’t you spoken to your parents in years? If you don’t want to talk about it, if it’s personal that’s OK, sorry to pry,” Dean says quickly. Castiel waves him off, thanking the barkeep as he hands Castiel his drink.

“I’m gay. They don’t like it. Obviously. Because it’s a _sin_ or whatnot.” Castiel watches Dean’s reaction to the news. Now would be where he either up and leaves; disgusted, or it’s Castiel’s lucky night. Dean looks at him sympathetically, but he doesn’t move. Castiel’s heart flutters with hope.

“Sounds like my dad. He kinda kicked me out when I came out,” Dean shrugs, gulping back his drink.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Castiel says quietly. Dean shrugs again. They sit in silence for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company. Castiel takes it as a chance to see if he can spot Gabriel. He scans the bar. Then the dance floor and finds no sign of him. He twists around on his stool and still can’t find him. Pursing his lips, he pulls out his phone in the hopes that Gabriel may have texted him to tell him that he’s leaving. Nothing. He sighs.

“Are you… waiting for someone?” Dean asks and Cas can detect a sliver of hurt in his voice. Castiel turns back to Dean, shaking his head frantically.

“No! No. I mean, well I came with my brother and now he seems to have left. I’m without a ride home,” Cas explains. Dean’s eyes light up.

“I can give you a lift if you want,” he offers. Castiel smiles.

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

**Two Years Earlier: January 24th**

“Cas what are we doing? Where are you taking me?” Dean laughs, gripping Cas’ arms tight. Cas has his hands over Dean’s eyes and is leading him along a trail. He has Dean wearing a blind fold in the drive here and now he really wants to surprise him. He had spent days coming up with the perfect plan for Dean’s birthday. He feels as if he is buzzing with excitement.

“Nearly there,” he promises, leading Dean off the path. He made sure to find a nice secluded spot for them to spend the day. He’d come earlier today to set up and now he’s returned with Dean. Once they reach the clearing Castiel eases Dean to a stop. “We’re here,” he whispers in Dean’s ear and removes his hands from Dean’s eyes. Dean gasps in surprise and Cas comes to stand beside him. “Happy birthday Dean,” he says, pressing a kiss to Dean’s cheek.

“Oh Cas, you did all this?” Dean asks, eyes raking over Cas’ set up. He’d laid out a blanket and packed lunch for them in the picnic basket he’d bought especially for the occasion. He’d found the spot hiking a couple years back and had been coming back whenever he needed some alone time.

The trees drop away to reveal a brook, water cascading over rocks and pooling in a small watering hole type thing deep enough to swim in. Birds and insects chirp in the trees and no signs of humanity can be heard or seen. “This is awesome!” Dean exclaims, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist and nuzzling his face in Cas’ neck, peppering kisses over the skin there. Cas giggles as his stubble tickles his cheek.

Pulling away he reaches for Dean’s hand and pulls him down onto the blanket. “I packed lunch and I thought that we could maybe go for a swim. And after that… maybe we could celebrate your birthday,” Castiel hints with a mischievous smile. Dean grins back and nods enthusiastically. Cas pulls out the burgers he’d gotten from the diner in town, knowing Dean has a serious hard on for them. Dean moans in pleasure after the first bite making Cas snort a laugh. Dean punches him playfully in the arm, but he has to admit, they are _really_ good.

After lunch they strip down to nothing and Dean takes a running leap into the water, cannonballing. Castiel laughs from where he’d been standing at the water’s edge. Dean remerges and shakes his head like a wet dog, making Castiel laugh harder. Dean grins, swimming over to where Cas is standing. “Come on!” He exclaims, splashing water at Castiel who makes a very undignified squeak as he tries to escape the downpour. Eventually he slides into the water, complaining that it’s too cold. Dean rolls his eyes dramatically, sending another tidal wave Castiel’s way. Cas reciprocates and soon it’s an all-out war; water flying everywhere.

Eventually Castiel surrenders and Dean cheers in victory. Castiel mockingly pouts and Dean ducks under the water, popping up right in front of Cas. He presses forward until the front of his body is flush with Cas’. Castiel’s breath speeds up and his eyes flutter shut in anticipation. Dean presses his lips to Cas’, letting his hands trail up Castiel’s thighs before gripping onto his waist. Castiel lets the kiss be the sweet press of lips for a moment more before he’s had enough and is letting his tongue gently prod Dean’s lips apart. They kiss and just hold each other. Nothing more. Even though both obviously want more, if Dean’s erection pressing into Cas’ hip is anything to go by. Castiel threads his fingers into Dean’s hair holding him close.

When they break apart, they’re both breathing heavily and Castiel watches as droplets of water drip off Dean’s long eyelashes and dribble down his cheekbones. Dean stares intently at him, even as Cas’ eyes track over Dean’s freckles. Cas lifts a thumb, swiping it slowly over Dean’s cheek and Dean’s eyes flicker shut. “I love you,” Castiel whispers, watching Dean’s face for his reaction. Dean’s eyes open and they’re filled with tears. Panic grips Castiel and he almost stutters out an apology, but Dean surges forward, lips attacking Castiel’s.

Dean grips the cheeks of Castiel’s ass and hauls him up. Cas instinctively wraps his legs around Dean’s hips and he carries Castiel out of the water. He walks up the bank albeit unsteadily, not letting his lips stray far from Castiel’s. Cas cards his fingers through the hair at the nape of Dean’s neck. Slowly, Dean gets to his knees, laying Castiel down on the blanket as if he were as delicate as a newborn child. He lets his eyes rake down Castiel’s body, from the tips of his hair down to his straining erection that is pressing red and throbbing against his belly. Dean smirks mischievously before ducking down and licking a stripe up the underside of Cas’ hard on causing Castiel to buck and gasp in pleasure. “God,” Cas chokes, trying to keep still.

Dean presses his hands to Cas’ hips and takes the head of Cas’ dick into his mouth, sucking lightly. Castiel gasps again. Dean flicks his tongue through the slit collecting and swallowing the pre-come gathering there. Slowly he works his way down, taking Cas’ cock further and further into his mouth until it presses to the back of Dean’s throat. He steadily works up a rhythm, up and down, bobbing his head and sucking. Castiel grips the blanket in clenched fists, throwing his head back in pleasure. He gasps and moans and curses in ecstasy. “Dean, God. So good. _Oh_ ,” he babbles, lifting his head to watch Dean. He watches as Dean takes as much as he can into his mouth, his fist coming to jack the rest he can’t. “Oh my God,” Cas arches up off the blanket as he comes, hot and hard down Dean’s throat. Dean sucks him dry swallowing every drop, he releases Cas’ dick with a pop, leaving Castiel lying boneless and fucked out on the blanket. Castiel isn’t entirely sure if Dean didn’t just suck his brains out through his dick. Dean crawls up his body, placing kisses over his chest and nipples, working his way up to Castiel’s neck. He sucks and nibbles at his jaw and finally makes his way to Castiel’s lips. Dean tastes salty and bitter, Castiel recognises it as his own come, Dean has a habit of blowing Cas then kissing him and sharing his own taste.

“Fuck me, Dean,” Castiel pleads, hand reaching down to slowly stroke Dean’s length. “Please. My present, to you.” That’s all he needs to say and Dean’s reaching into the picnic basket for the bottle of lube and condoms Cas stashed there. Dean slicks up his fingers and carefully circles one around Castiel’s hole. Dean presses his lips to each of Castiel’s hip bones as he eases one finger in. Castiel wriggles at the uncomfortable intrusion and Dean reaches up to cup Cas’ jaw, pressing his lips to Castiel’s. He eases his finger out and back in. It isn’t long before he’s working two fingers into Cas’ slowly loosening body. Cas moans when Dean’s fingers brush his prostate, hips jumping. “Come on, Dean. More,” he demands, making Dean chuckles. He adds another finger and Castiel gasps in pleasure. A few more minutes and Castiel is whining again, “Come on Dean, I’m OK. I can take it. Fuck me. God!” Who is Dean to deny his beautiful boyfriend when he’s glaring at him with diluted blue eyes, cheeks flushed and wonderfully spread out before him?

Dean rips the foil from the condom and rolls it over his painfully hard cock. Dean kisses Castiel again while he’s slicking up his dick and eases in. Every inch that he eases into Castiel has a strangely pleasant mix of pain and pleasure rushing through his body. Once Dean’s fully seated inside Castiel, he waits. Staring down at Cas, he itches to pull out and thrust back into Cas’ amazing body. But he doesn’t, he waits and relishes in the tight heat pressing down on him. He’s aware that his breath if coming out of him in pants and his cheeks are probably flushed to hell, but _God_ , Cas feels to good. “OK, Dean. Move, come on,” Castiel pants, sounding just as desperate as Dean.

Dean eases out a bit before thrusting back. He picks up a rhythm and soon the only sounds are coming from the slap of skin and their moans. Castiel claws down Dean’s back, leaving scratch marks that seem to spur Dean on, who picks up his pace, slamming into Castiel before pulling out and back in. “God Cas!” Dean moans “I love you”, eyes locking with Castiel’s as he comes. Cas grabs a fist full of Dean’s hair and pulls him up to kiss him.

They spent the rest of the afternoon staring at the sky and talking idly not touching apart from where their fingers tangle together against the blanket. When they fall into a comfortable silence Dean flips to lie on his side, watching Castiel. Feeling eyes on him, Cas rocks his head to the side to meet Dean’s eyes, “You love me right?” Dean asks quietly.

“Of course,” Cas replies seriously, leaning forward to kiss Dean’s forehead.

“You’ll never leave me?”

“Never,” Cas vows.

**August**

When the phone call came, Dean is in the bathroom busily scrubbing the shower. His knuckles are white with the force of his hold on the scrubbing brush and his cheeks are flushed from exertion. He sits back on his haunches when he hears the tell-tale shrill ringing. He hears Cas’ hurried footsteps and Castiel’s quick “I’ll get it,” and goes back to scrubbing.

After a good five minutes of silence Dean sits back again. Usually Cas tells him who rung and what they wanted even if they phone call was for him and not Dean. Standing, Dean runs his hands under the tap to clean them off and dries them against his jeans as he exits the bathroom.

“Cas?” he calls, entering the lounge room where the phone is situated. He finds Cas staring blankly ahead, phone on the ground as if he had dropped it. His face pale as if he’s just seen a ghost. He hurries over, placing tentative hands on Castiel’s shoulders. “What’s wrong, Cas?” he asks, trying to catch Castiel’s eyes, but he’s seemingly dead to the world. Dean stoops to pick up the phone and finds that the call is still connected. “This is Dean, what’s happened?” he answers quickly.

“Oh thank God, Dean I thought he was alone and I don’t know what he’ll do right now,” Gabriel’s relieved voice comes over the line.

“What’s happened?” Dean repeats, heart picking up pace in anxiety.

“Something very bad. One of our childhood friends, Balthazar, has passed away. Car accident,” Gabriel’s voice gets choked as he retells the story. Castiel’s mentioned Balthazar a few times when he mentions his childhood.

“I’m so sorry, Gabe,” Dean offers his condolences.

“Thanks Dean, look after him, alright?” Gabriel hiccups, before the line goes dead.

Dean turns to Cas and envelops him in a hug, Castiel rests his head against Dean’s neck and finally the tears begin to fall. Castiel sobs his heart out and Dean supports him, rubbing a comforting hand over Cas’ back and through his hair. He whispers condolences and reassurances into Cas’ ear.

Castiel clings to him like a child and Dean practically supports all his weight. As if his legs aren’t strong enough to hold him up anymore. Soon the extra weight becomes too much and he staggers over to the couch. They slide down and Castiel climbs onto Dean’s lap, arms thrown around Dean’s neck. Dean holds him through his grief. When Cas’ tears slow down, they sit in silence, Castiel in his own world. Dean rubs a hand down his arm and places a sweet kiss to his cheek. “I’m here for you,” Dean promises and Castiel looks at him with watery eyes and offers a grateful smile.

Cas takes time off from work to fly back to Illinios for the funeral. He’s gone for four days and when he returns Dean’s baked Castiel’s favourite pastries and cooks a dinner of steak and veg. Castiel thanks him and puts on a smile, even though Dean can see straight through it. Later Castiel hugs Dean close as they watch a movie. Cas confesses that it was the worst four days of his life; being away from Dean. Dean tells him that he missed him so much and Cas ends up lying back as Dean blows him right there on the couch. Cas comes with a drawn out moan, his head thrown back and eyes clenched shut. Dean loves it when he does that and he can’t help but watch as Castiel loses himself in the pleasure, all his protective walls down and it’s just Cas.

**One Year Earlier: May**

Dean stumbles back into the apartment, using the wall for support. All the lights are off and he’s well aware that Cas is in bed, asleep. He tries to be as quiet as he can as he makes his way down the hall. He ends up running into the coffee table on his way through the living room, dropping a plastic cup and some pens into the floor; he winces at the noise they make as they come into contact with the wooden flooring. He doesn’t bother to pick them up.

A light comes on down the hall and Dean flinches, Cas’ voice fills the house, “Dean?” it echoes. Dean shuffles towards the voice and comes face to face with Cas as he turns to go down the hall to their bedroom. “Oh God, Dean. What have you done?” Cas pleads, cupping Dean’s jaw. Dean’s eyes are blood shot and he reeks of liquor.

“Had cupl’ drnksss,” Dean slurs, trying to keep his head down, the light coming from the bedroom is seriously messing with his head right now. He knows it’s only going to get worse tomorrow. Cas sighs, but takes Dean’s hand and leads him into the kitchen. He works in the dark, grabbing a cup of water and some Advil. He places them into Dean’s hands and watches him in the dim light take the painkillers and drink the water.

“Come to bed,” he whispers to Dean. Dean ignores him and places the cup in the sink. “Please,” Cas pleads. Dean keeps his back turned. Finally Cas gives up and returns to the bedroom alone. Dean stares at the space Cas was just standing, guilt working its way up his throat. Carefully, he walks back down the hall to the bedroom, when he reaches the closed door he pauses. He knocks once before stepping inside. Cas is lying on his side facing away from the door, from the way his back is rising and falling erratically, he’s not sleeping.

Dean shuffles over to the dresser and pulls out a clean pair of boxers and a T-shirt. He strips right where he is and changes into the clean shirt, not bothering with a shower. Climbing into bed he doesn’t acknowledge Cas’ presence, turning away from his boyfriend. He doesn’t say anything when Cas’ silent crying shakes the bed. He just rolls over and pulls Cas into his arms, placing a kiss to the back of Cas’ neck. The crying doesn’t stop.

**September**

Castiel huffs out a laugh. Dean is in the kitchen cooking them dinner, dressed in an apron saying “Hot stuff coming through”. He swings his hips to the music playing softly in the background. Cas watches him with a fond smile. Dean glances at him over his shoulder and blows Cas a kiss, Cas laughs and ducks back down to hide within the couch cushions.

Once Dean is finished he comes to retrieve Cas, leaning over the back of the couch he presses his lips to Cas’ Spiderman style. “Dinner’s done,” he announces with a grin. Cas stands and Dean grabs his hand, leading Castiel to the dining table where he has set the table with their best cutlery and plates. He’s also gotten a candle from somewhere and a dozen roses sit in a vase in the centre of the table. Cas stares at the set up in shock. “You like it?” Dean asks, shyly. Cas’ answer is to turn and throw his hands around neck, hugging him tight.

“I love it. This is amazing, Dean. You’re amazing,” Cas murmurs into Dean’s neck. Dean holds him to his chest, breathing in the scent of Cas.

“Well I figure you could use something like this. I’ve been an ass. I’m so sorry Cas,” Dean apologises, holding Cas at arm’s length. Cas’ eyes are glassy with emotion and he shakes his head.

“It’s OK.”

*~*~*

Dean’s aware that Castiel cries himself to sleep when Dean goes out and drinks himself into a stupor. He knows it hurts Cas. But things have been hard on him lately and if any part of old John Winchester has made an impression on his eldest son, it’s his drinking habits. It’s not something Dean’s proud of. But it’s his coping mechanism and sometimes love just doesn’t feel like enough. Especially when it feels like the world is toppling down around you.

Dean’s been job hunting for over six months now and he hates having to rely solely on Castiel. He feels like shit and even though Cas states over and over again that it’s fine, he knows it’s not. Accountants only earn so much.

Dean keeps his head down and his fists clenched deep in the pockets of his navy blue jacket as he walks away from yet another job interview. He prays to whatever God listening that he is made enough of an impression on the uptight employer that she’s willing to give Dean a job.

When he gets home to find Castiel sprawled in his lounge chair, book open on his lap, glasses askew and snoring softly, Dean can’t help but smile a little. He can physically feel his bad mood evaporating just by looking at his boyfriend. He drops his keys onto the kitchen table and pads over to Cas, he lifts Cas’ glasses from his nose and places them on the table by the arm of the lounge chair. Cas jerks awake with a snort and Dean grins at him. “Hey,” he says in greeting. Cas blushes slightly.

“I’m sorry I was asleep. I actually have something really important to tell you,” Cas explains, rubbing the knuckles of his hand over his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You know my friend Jo? Well her mother runs the Roadhouse. You know it? It’s a bar,” Castiel elaborates. Dean nods his head. “Well, I mentioned to Jo that you’re looking for a job and she put in a word to Ellen and long story short. You start on Friday.”

Dean’s speechless. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. A myriad of emotions flit through him; joy at the certainty that he has a job waiting for him, shock that Castiel has gotten him a job so quickly, gratefulness that Cas is a considerate enough person to help Dean in his job hunt, anger that Cas hadn’t even told him about helping search for a job and irritation at himself for not being able to land a job but Cas can get one for him. Finally, he gives Cas a smile that doesn’t quite feel genuine, it must look it because Castiel looks relieved. Dean pulls Cas up by his hands and whispers against Cas’ lips “This calls for a celebration don’t you agree?” Cas nods and begins pulling Dean in the direction of the bedroom.

**Three Months Earlier**

Dean has been working in the Roadhouse for months now and seems to love it. He’s been drinking less even though he works in a bar. Cas assumes that the threat of Ellen is enough to curve the ways of even the most avid of drinkers. So Castiel is shocked and terrified to come home from the office to find Dean slumped in a puddle of his own vomit on the kitchen floor.

As soon as Castiel opens the front door he’s hit with the feeling that something isn’t right. He hesitantly enters the house, looking around for any suspicious signs that something has happened. He finds nothing out of the ordinary. Cas fiddles with his phone on his way to the kitchen as he crosses the threshold he glances up. His mouth drops open in shock and his heart picks up pace. The phone in his hand falls to the ground with the clatter of plastic on tile. Rushing forwards Castiel drops to his knees, ignoring the vomit soaking the knees of his dress pants, his hands flitter over Dean’s body, unsure of what to do. He can feel panic clawing its way up his throat and he feels like crying.

Nothing like this has ever happened before. Ever. “Dean!” he chokes, grabbing his boyfriend’s shoulders and pulling his body so that Dean’s lying on his side. Castiel then moves Dean’s leg up and bends his knee to stop Dean from slumping down onto his stomach. He then tucks Dean’s hands under his head to pillow and support them. He checks for a pulse and almost sighs in relief when he finds one, thumping slowly in the vein in his neck. Dean’s alive. Thank God. “It’s OK, Dean I’m going to get help,” he promises Dean’s unconscious body.

Castiel stands up and retrieves his phone, dialling for an ambulance. He waits by Dean’s side, panicking. The ambulance takes no more than five minutes to arrive and Castiel meets them at the door. He stands back as two paramedics rush by with a gurney talking between them. A middle aged woman stands with him asking questions such as ‘was this how you found him? How long was he alone? What spirits does he have access to?’ Castiel answers them as best as he can through the lump in his throat. The woman looks at him sympathetically and tells him that Dean should be fine and that he did an excellent job of making sure Dean was safe.

~~~

Castiel visited Dean whilst he stayed in the hospital overnight. Dean apologised profusely and promised that he would stop his drinking. Cas didn’t believe him. He sat with Dean but never said a word; he’s mad at Dean. Mad that he would do this to himself and mad that he would, even unintentionally, put him in a position like that. Castiel is mad because Dean could have died and it seems like he doesn’t even care. Eventually Dean got annoyed with the silence and told Cas to leave. Cas left.

Sam came to stay with them since Castiel found Dean passed out. Cas believes that he’s more equipped with dealing with Dean and his drinking problem. Castiel can’t even call it a habit anymore, it’s a problem. A very bad problem and he doesn’t know what to do about it. He’s tried talking to Dean but all that results in is a screaming match and Dean leaving, getting drunk and stumbling home. Sam, being Dean’s brother, should be able to help Castiel convince Dean to get help.

~~~

When Castiel comes home from work a few days into Sam’s stay he hears yelling. He pauses before slowly entering the house, trying to listen to what’s being said before he’s noticed. “DEAN! You need help!” Sam’s voice can be heard and is punctuated by a bang, like as if he’d slapped the dining room table. Dean scoffs in reply.

“I do not, Sammy. I don’t know why Cas called you. But I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

“No! It’s not Dean. Cas called me because he came home to find you fucking unconscious with alcohol poisoning! Do you know how scared the poor bastard would have been? I know if I had found you like that I would have been terrified for you. Do you not care at all?” Sam raves. Dean doesn’t say anything and Castiel steps out from his hiding place in the hall. Both the Winchesters, glance at him upon his arrival, the anger melting from their faces.

“Oh Cas,” Dean says softly, coming over to take his face in his hands, he swipes at Cas’ cheekbones, wiping away tears that he hadn’t even realised were falling. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he coos. Cas shakes his head and steps out of Dean’s embrace.

“Sam’s right. You need to get help, Dean. I’m begging you,” is all he says before turning on his heel and exiting the house.

When Castiel returns an hour later, Sam is in the spare bedroom and Dean is waiting for him in front of the TV. He jumps up when Cas walks in. He hurries over and pulls Castiel into a hug, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he chants and Cas just revels in the feeling of Dean. He sighs, pulling away, but Dean keeps a firm hold around his wrist. “Please. Cas, I’ll get help. I’ll go to AA meetings. Please. I’m going to get help. I’m sorry,” Dean promises. Castiel looks back at him, some of his anger and worry disbursing.

“You promise?” he asks. Dean nods his head hectically.

“I swear, Cas. I didn’t know what I was doing to you. I was so stupid and selfish. But now I’m going to make it better,” Dean tells him honestly. Cas stares at him for a moment more, judging whether he sounds sincere.

“OK, Dean,” Cas says eventually and relief washes over Dean’s features as he surges forward, mouth melding with Castiel’s. Dean pushes Castiel backwards until his back comes into contact with the wall behind him. Dean presses his body against Cas’. Castiel can feel the bulge of his erection pressing against his thigh and he’s certain that Dean can feel his.

Dean’s lips moves down from Castiel’s and begin trailing nips and licks down Cas’ jaw and neck, he stops at his collarbone and sucks a bruise into the skin there. Castiel gasps and arches into Dean, rubbing his clothed dick against Dean’s jean clad thigh, seeking friction. Dean chuckles at Castiel’s eagerness and his hands reach down to pop the button on Castiel’s slacks, cupping Castiel’s hard on through the cotton of his briefs. Castiel moans, letting his head thump back against the wall.

Dean rubs his palm over the covered cock and Castiel wriggles, “Please,” he says in a broken whisper, Dean’s lips still working across his neck. Dean tucks Castiel’s briefs down under his balls and strokes the back of his hands down Castiel’s length. Castiel gasps again. Dean fists a hand around Castiel’s dick and lets his hand work slowly over the velvety flesh. Castiel claws his hands into Dean’s T-shirt, clenching his eyes closed, his mouth parting. Dean releases his hold and pulls his hand up to spit into his palm before going back to work. He jerks his hand up and down faster now, with the spit adding to the pre-come beading at the head of Castiel’s dick. Castiel’s breath is now coming in short gasps and Dean knows that he’s close. He uses his free hand to tug Castiel’s head down by his hair and they share a kiss, all tongue and teeth. Castiel moans into Dean’s mouth as he comes, hot and sticky over Dean’s fist. “Oh my God,” Cas whispers, eyes opening slowly. Dean releases the softening cock and brings his hand up to lick his palm, keeping his eyes locked on Castiel’s. Once his hand is clean Castiel kisses him, licking inside Dean’s mouth. Dean moans and Castiel pulls back with a smirk, sliding to his knees. He’s working the zipper on Dean’s jeans down when a highly disgusted, highly horrified cry from the threshold stops him. He glances around Dean’s thigh to see Sam. Sam looks like someone just kicked his new puppy.

“GUYS! CAN YOU NOT?” He exclaims, hands coming up to shield his eyes, it’s only then that Castiel realises that his pants and briefs are still open and his now soft cock is bare for anyone; Sam to see. He blushes, tucking himself back in and buttoning up.

“It’s our house, Sam,” Dean states, swiping a hand through Castiel’s mussed hair, Castiel tilts his head back to grin at Dean.

“STILL! YOU GUYS HAVE A BEDROOM! THIS IS THE LIVING ROOM FOR HELLS SAKE,” Sam rants backpedalling out of the room and they wait to hear the slam of the guest bedroom door before cackling like a pair of maniacs.

Cas calms down first and gets to work licking and sucking on Dean’s balls, cutting off Dean’s laughter immediately.

**Two Days Earlier**

Dean cards his fingers through Cas’ hair as they lay in bed. Castiel dozes and watches the sun rise through the crack between the curtains. He leans back against Dean’s chest, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of his lungs and the thump, thump of his heartbeat. He’s peaceful, happy. That is until Dean says, “I lost my job.” Castiel’s happiness comes crashing down and he jerks up out of Dean’s arms.

“What! How?” he exclaims, turning to face Dean, eyeing him incredulously. Dean refuses to meet Cas’ eyes. He stares down at the bedspread. “How Dean?” Castiel asks more forcefully.

“Caught drinking on the job,” Dean mumbles almost incoherently. Castiel leaps off the bed, stalking over to the dresser, he pulls out a pair of jeans and starts pulling them on. “Cas. Wait, please,” Dean pleads. Cas ignores him, buttoning the jeans. “Don’t leave,” Dean whispers, his voice hoarse as if he’s holding back tears. Castiel turns to have him, tears in his own eyes.

“You promised!” Castiel exclaims, fisting his hands at his sides. He’s so angry he could just hit something! “You promised!” he repeats, this time it comes out as a sob. Dean clamours off the bed, a tear falling down his cheek; his hands come up to hold Castiel but he sidesteps. Hurt flashes in Dean’s eyes, but Castiel doesn’t care. He’s hurt too.

“I know! And I was sober, it was just one drink. I only had a sip, but Ellen saw and…” Dean tries to explain. Castiel shakes his head.

“There’s no excuse! You promised you’d stop. You’ve been going to Alcoholics Anonymous! I thought that you were getting better,” Castiel sobs brokenly, feeling himself slump to the floor against the dresser, he draws his knees to his chest.

“I’m sorry Cas!” Dean pleads, tears falling freely from his eyes. Castiel drops his head to his knees and cries. All the frustration and anger and worry and hurt come out in those tears. He cares so _much_ for Dean and he truly believed that Dean was overcoming his drinking. Castiel has suffered beside Dean as he woke up in the middle of the night trembling and in cold sweats and the mood swings and the almost constant nausea.

He hears Dean exit the room and Sam’s worried voice, but that’s it. It isn’t long before Sam walks in the bedroom and finds Castiel. He crouches beside Cas and rubs a hand over his back. Castiel looks up at him through teary and bloodshot eyes, “Did you know?” he demands. Sam doesn’t answer and that’s all Castiel needs to know. He stands on shaky legs and pulls his suitcase from beneath the bed. He stumbles over to the dresser and pulls his clothes out, shoving them haphazardly into the suitcase.

“Cas, please don’t leave. He needs you!” Sam pleads, placing a hand on Castiel’s arm when he picks up a framed photo of Dean and him, taken during their first Christmas together. He shakes Sam’s hand off and throws the picture against a wall, it hits with a band and the glass cracking as it comes into contact with the plaster, it drops to the floor. Sam gasps in shock.

“He promised!” Castiel glares at Sam, swiping away his tears. He walks over to his bedside table and pulls out his phone, tucking it into his pocket. He also pulls out the couple of novels and the work he’d been doing, he drops them into the case also. It takes no more than ten minutes to pack everything he can’t replace. “I’m sorry Sam. Tell him that I love him, but I can’t handle it anymore. I’m sorry,” Cas says, stepping out the door and trudging down to his car.

He drives to the end of the block before he has to pull over because he can’t see through his tears. He rests his head against the steering wheel and sobs. Reality hits him and he realises that he has nowhere to go, pulling out his phone he dials Gabriel’s number. He picks up on the fourth ring.

“Y’ello?” his cheery voice makes Castiel sob harder. “Cas?” his voice is no longer cheery, it’s laced with worry and concern.

“I left. Can I stay with you? Please?” Castiel manages to choke out.

“Of course!” Gabriel exclaims.

“Thank you, Gabriel. I’ll be there in an hour.”

**Now**

Over the next few days, Castiel eats and drinks and showers and sleeps as Gabriel instructs. His heart is broken and Gabriel informs him that only time will heal it. This time thing really is taking a while. Castiel can’t stand it. The ache in his chest the longing for Dean and the anger. At himself for leaving and not giving Dean a chance and at Dean for not being stronger. Gabriel constantly placates him by pointing out the truth; Cas did give him a chance. Multiple chances. And Dean blew them. He knew he was blowing them when he picked up the bottle.

It still hurts though.

He sits in front of the TV all day, flicking through the channels and ending up not watching anything. Gabriel stocks up on ice-cream and anything sweet, even though the sheer volume of sweet treats in his house is astonishing, he claims that ice-cream and chocolate is a must when getting over a broken heart. Castiel believes him and sits with a giant bucket of Ben & Jerry’s, wrapped in a blanket watching movies all day. He’s decided to take a few days off work so he doesn’t look like a zombie and people start asking questions.

When Gabriel isn’t at work, he sits with Castiel and carefully broaches the topic of Dean. Castiel shoots him down every time. Gabriel takes it on the chin and Castiel can see that Gabriel isn’t going to give up any time soon especially while Castiel is living with him.

*~*~*

Sam stays with Dean, keeping a close eye on him. Dean does nothing but mope for a few days after the whiskey incident. Although he doesn’t go out and buy more alcohol, he doesn’t go out period. The benefit of that is he doesn’t drink; at all. Sam takes that as a start.

Soon Sam decides that Dean needs more help than just going to AA meetings and him watching over Dean like an over protective parent. Dean needs rehab. Sam gets to work making dinner, thinking about how he’ll be able to bring up the idea of Dean going without Dean kicking up a stink and all his hard work backfiring.

Sam sets the burgers down in front of his brother. He’s barely moved from the couch since Cas left almost two weeks ago. He hasn’t stepped foot near his bedroom and it’s gave Sam a chance to replace the broken picture frame without Dean’s knowledge of it ever being broken. Dean eats in silence, aware that Sam is watching him with those worried eyes. After a few minutes of tense silence, Sam clears his throat and sets his burger down. He sits up in his chair and turns to Dean. “I was thinking,” Sam begins, waiting for Dean to look up at him before he continues, Dean humours him and obliges. “That maybe you should go to a rehabilitation facility. You’ve been doing so well these past few days and I think that if you went, you’d finally be able to kick the drinking for good,” Sam states calmly. Dean stares at him blankly before nodding. Sam goes on, “I know you’re probably angry and you don’t want to go… wait. Did you nod?” He asks incredulously.

Dean smirks, “Yeah I did. I’ll go.”

“Really? Oh Dean, this is great!” Sam exclaims, smiling broadly, he claps Dean on the shoulder.

*~*~*

“I’m going back to work,” Castiel announces one morning to Gabriel over a box of cereal. Gabriel narrows his eyes sceptically.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” he asks.

“It’s been two weeks. I have to move on with my life. Starting with work.” Gabriel doesn’t reply, he just goes back to eating. “What?” Castiel snaps, angry at Gabriel’s reaction. “Don’t you think I can handle it? I’m not some love sick fool. I’m fine!” He stands, the chair sliding against the tiles with a sharp screech that Castiel ignores. He stalks over to the sink and barely refrains from throwing the bowl in. He exits the kitchen and goes to get ready for work.

**One Month Later**

In all the time that Castiel has been living with his brother he hasn’t once heard the doorbell ring, so at first he’s confused as to what the sharp ringing sound is. Gabriel is at work; it being a Sunday morning and Castiel is alone in the house. He assumes it’s the phone, but upon further inspection finds that it isn’t ringing nor had it been. The ringing persists until, duh the door; he slaps himself in the forehead.

He hurries over, throwing it open breathlessly, not bothering to check the peephole. Had he, he isn’t sure that he would have answered the door in the first place. Dressed in worn jeans and a grey Henley under a navy blue jacket is Dean Winchester, his head is down and his hands are behind his back. He looks the same as Castiel remembers, albeit more tired looking with less stubble. Dark rings circle under his green eyes and his jaw sporting more of a five o’clock shadow than usual. Castiel stares, mouth slightly agape. “D-Dean,” he splutters, “What are you doing here?” Dean tries to smile.

“I’ve come to get my boyfriend back,” Dean says softly, holding a bunch of roses from behind his back and handing them to Castiel. “I’m so sorry Cas. I was a dick. I know I was. I was a selfish, asshole that cared more about drinking than loving you. But Sam has helped me and I’ve been in rehab for the past six weeks and I swear I still go to AA. I’m helping myself. I’m working on finding a job and I’ve realised that the only thing I care about now is you. I love you so much Cas. Please, could you give me another chance? I promise I won’t blow it,” Dean apologises, slumping to his knees.

Castiel keeps his eyes on the roses, trailing a finger over the silky red petals. They’re beautiful. He glances down at Dean, his heart screaming at him to say ‘yes, yes I love you too!’ but his brain is telling him that Dean won’t ever change. Castiel feels his eyes fill with tears as he stares down at Dean—the broken man who’s vowed to change, to fix himself. For him. “How do I know this isn’t like before? What’s changed?” Castiel murmurs.

Dean’s mouth opens but no sound comes out, he gets to his feet, reaching out to place a hand over Castiel’s. His brain shouts at him to slam the door in Dean’s face and never give him the time of day again. But he stays rooted to the spot. “Before I thought I still had you. Every time I came back, you were there and I thought that’s how it would always be. You picking up my pieces and put me back together. But now, you aren’t here. I have to fix myself. I blew my chance with you. You left and I was lost because you were always there. Now I’ve learnt that I need to be accountable for my actions. Rehab helped me. And AA will continue to keep me going. That’s what’s changed,” Dean says vehemently. Castiel nods, throwing his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean catches him and hugs him back. “I love you so much, Cas. I promise I won’t screw it up again. I promise,” Dean whispers into Castiel’s hair.

“I love you too, Dean,” Castiel chokes, leaning back to press his lips to Dean’s.

 

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated!!


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